Hey Guys,
Hope you're having a great week. Mine has been consumed with the new house we're trying to buy. Not surprisingly the bank is dragging their feet. So we're basically at their whim. Hopefully we'll have a commitment letter and closing day very soon.
But it hasn't stopped my wife and I from window shopping, talking to contractors and taking leaps of faith. Not surprisingly some of this has been met with resistance from certain people around us which leads me to my weekly babbling.
Have you ever noticed that once you've set your mind to do something greater the haters and critics become louder than usual. You couldn't here a peep from them when you were complacent and unhappy with your life. But as soon as you've decided that you refuse to live a life of mediocrity then the negative Nanciess want to give you tons of lip and their limited advice you never requested. The sad thing is a lot times this is coming from people you love, trust or respect. In their minds they may think they're protecting or helping you. But the reality is they're actually projecting their own failures and insecurities on to you. Don't get mad at me. I'm not trying to be disrespectful and knock on your loved ones. I'm sure they do have your best interest at heart. Well I hope they do. However if they're not in the position in life you want to be, then why would you really listen to them about the new path you're walking? I hate to say it but sometimes you need to "shut people's mic off".
I got that little saying & tip from a controversial DJ (Star) that hosted a morning show here in NY. Anytime a guest or one of his co-workers said something ridiculous, he would scream "Shut his mic off" and would literally shut that person's microphone off so they couldn't be heard. Then he would proceed to discuss the reason why this person was out of line. Yes it was a very rude thing to do. But honestly in life just as in that radio show, some people really shouldn't be allowed to spew their nonsense into your ear. Because ultimately they aren't adding value to your life and the goals you're trying to reach. Instead they're trying to fill it with opposing thoughts that make you doubt yourself & lead to inaction. They want you to stay down on their level rather than souring to the top where you belong.
One of the reasons I became really successful aside from training, taking action and the good Lord's favor was a shift in mindset. A lot of that was achieved by watching the type of messages I was putting into my mind. You don't realize it but we're inundated with negative messages all day long from the media, co-workers, family and friends. You're so emmersed in it you don't even realize it's negative anymore. You start thinking well it's normal to spend hours away from your family making others rich. It's normal to believe that what you currently have is good enough and you'll never amount to much more. It's normal to wisk away your dreams and stay grounded in so called "reality". That's the power of letting all this stuff fill your head on a daily basis. Once I limited these influences and replaced them with positive reinforcement, all the other elements of hard work and taking action finally started paying off. Think about this. I was at this business for years but I never reach the level of success that I currently have until I started to shut off the mics of these negative influences in my life.
I made it a point to no longer watch the news, limited my contact with negative people and surrounded myself with like minded people via friends, books, programing, etc. I'm not saying you have to do exactly what I did. But you do have to start by recognizing what the negative influences are around you and shutting them down. It's easy to spot because you usually feel bad after being surrounded by it. For instance there has yet to be a time where I've watched the evening news in it's entirety and left feeling good. I bet the next time you watch the news you'll remember that statement.
In any event, the point is the more you limit your contact with people that don't share your "voice" (aspirations), the better off you'll be. Because at the end of the day we already have enough internal voices in our heads that cause us to doubt ourselves. You don't need more of that from external forces. So the next time you start feeling negative because of your own thoughts or because of comments from people around you, just shut their mics off! And if you're feeling really bold and empowered tell them out loud! Just be sure it's not someone that signs your checks, provides you shelter or can physically knock you out. lol
I hope this makes sense. If not I'm sure you've already mentally shut my mic off. Either way, Enjoy the job leads below.
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Well said Eddy! Now I’m off to see “The Social Network”. While how much of it is factual may be open for debate, I need to see the story of some smart, ambitious folks right now 😉
@Wendy:
I love this Wendy. “For many people who are ready to follow their dream, or do more or go forward in their life, there seems to be a common experience of attracting people who just have to speak their mind on your life and how you should be doing it.”
These are tests. I don’t always pass.
Eddy,
Excellent article. .I’ve never heard “Shut off their mike” before. I tend to think of those kinds of folks like garbageman in reverse. For many people who are ready to follow their dream, or do more or go forward in their life, there seems to be a common experience of attracting people who just have to speak their mind on your life and how you should be doing it.
What makes it worse is that it’s expected of you to follow what they believe and forgo what you know in your bones.
Its this kind of non-sense that makes me think of what you call negative nancies as garbage slingers.
I’ve learned to hit ignore and mute, but it took alot for me to be able to do that. A lot of years of alot of people who are experts in slinging garbage. It came down to this, they arn’t living in my skin, wearing my shoes or paying my bills, I am. So why am I giving these people room to talk? It’s the best argument for choosing who I listen to.
Congratulations by the way on the house. I know there are a few details that your waiting on, but I have no doubt that very shortly you’ll be writing this news letter from your new office.
Wendy,
Thanks for chiming in. I like the garbage man in reverse analogy. Because negative people are basically throwing their garbage at you instead of taking it way. Well said!
GreetingsSir E.
That must mean, you and family are scaring the enemy! And with all the good you do, I know that is the case! 🙂
Someone we watch every week had this reminder!
“Remember, God rewards the people who seek after Him. Stand in faith and keep believing because God will take you places that you never dreamed. As you press toward the promise, you will see His hand of blessing, and you will live in the victory He has prepared for you.”
I know those words specifically apply to you and family! 😉
You have so much good favor on account! I am happy to be allowed, to be part of the blessing ride, which is your life
and see the light in your life, get brighter and brighter! thank you so much for always sharing with all of us and speaking the blessing! 🙂
Kind regards,
DragonSpirit
龙的精神
Amen DragonSpirit,
I did catch that message from our good buddy Joel! So I definitely know I’m on the right track because the enemy has been fighting hard to make this whole process very frustrating for us.
Thanks for reminding me and sending blessings my way!
Hey Eddy great article, thank you for writing it, and thank you for all that you do!!..A friend of mine just bought a house and the bank was dragging their feet w/ her deal too until she throw money at the problem to the tune of $10,000, she took control and all of a sudden things fell into place. Isn’t it funny what a little bit of money can do?! Clark Howard http://www.clarkhoward.com who is an amazing consumer advocate says that the little neighborhood bank often is more likely to be more helpful in buying a house than the big mega banks; you may or may not want to check our your little neighborhood bank if you already havn’t done so. Maybe if you gave Clark Howard a call he could help you out w/some information..
Oh yes the nay sayers do have the power to infect us with negativity and “as yea think so yea shall be”. I too, don’t listen to the “if it bleeds it leads” news, I hear you there Eddy. I try to be very careful of what goes into my mind, we create our own reality and what we think about expands; the more you complain about things the more things you have to complain about and the more grateful that you are for things, you will find there will be more things to be grateful for. Some years ago I bought a tape set from the library for a dollar, it is “Success is a Choice” ten steps to overachieving in business and life by Rick Pitino, it is very motivating and when the negative nancys and neds try to bring me down I pop in a tape and listen to it and it helps me rise above the negativity. I suggest you pick up a copy and listen to it because I think you will like it. And you could probably pick it up for even a couple of bucks at half.com if money is an issue right now because of buying the house and all lol : )
Eddy keep up the good work I appreciate what you write it makes me feel like you and your followers and I are all in the same peer group just trying to keep it real and stay positive, I know I am in good company with you all. I’m not rich yet in money but by Gods grace I am rich in spirit. I have gone through two job losses back to back due to closing of a NY center and over 17,000 jobs cut across the board for the last employer, so I was really a hurting unit when I found your site. Again not rich in money yet but your site has helped me tremendously by educating me and being a forum for the like minded of keeping it real and keeping your chin up; opportunities are all around us we just have to be on the look out for them. And I have tried some of your streams of income and it has provided food for the hungrey, gas for the car and food for thought and for the soul THANK YOU EDDY keep up the good work! I know that you have helped me buy groceries and put gas in the car by educating me on doing surveys and giving me information on mturk. This had empowered me to take action, I didn’t have to wait for anyone to hire me I can just go ahead and do it~
Thank you again Eddy
Take care,
Teena
Dee,
I knew you would get a kick out of the article and me bringing that saying back. lol
You and I have had lengthy discussions about this stuff regularly so I know you can already relate. You’re definitely a shinning example of being able to rise above the hate and shutting off their voices in your life. The best we can do is to continue to do well and try help those along the way that want to be helped. But we definitely can’t allow people to bring us down with them regardless if it is family or people we love. None of us were meant to live in such a negative way. By the way, I love that Debbie Down Syndrome reference. I might have to use that with the negative nancy. lol Thanks for chiming in little sis!
Eunice,
Your psychiatrist earned every penny with that great advice he/she provided! They definitely hit it on the head. I do a lot of what he’s suggested on a regular basis especially when it comes to family members and loved ones. I really like the equilibrium reference because when I worked in corporate america it’s something I used to cope with the unprofessionalism or shadiness of certain Executives. Anytime I felt a person was shifting my mindset into a negative or uncomfortable place, I made it a point to push it right back on them so that they had to endure that seem uneasiness. That usually restored the balance.
I totally agree with you about the control aspect as well. Ironically I referenced a quote about this on my facebook fanpage which was: “Ž”The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” “¨- Alice Walker
In any event, thanks for sharing Eunice! Great insight as usual!
Janie C,
You’re quite welcome. I can’t say I’ surprised by the reaction of folks around you. After all the economy is awful & landing a job is like winning the lottery. But the problem with the feedback you’re getting is everyone is basing it on their personal experience or what they see. It’s hard for people to see past that. They’re assuming because everyone else has to suffer you do too. But fortunately for you you’ve realized that it doesn’t have to be that way. So now you’re on a road that most people can’t fathom. The more you try to break out the box, the more uneasiness you’ll feel from people around you and within. But that’s actually a good thing. Anyone that has worked out or dieted knows that it’s usually a very uncomfortable process to get fit. But when you do achieve that ideal weight or size, Lord is it a great feeling! So that’s what you’re going through and it’s fine. You just keep focusing on your goals and eventually it will pay off. It’s not going to be easy and you may have to adjust accordingly to get to your promise land but it can happen. In the mean time I wouldn’t worry too much about these negative people. Sometimes the best way to silence their nonsense is to succeed and just live your life. Your actions will speak volume. I guarantee that it may even inspire some of those naysayers. Being the best person you can be is the only thing you need to worry about. When possible always try to help others in the process but unfortunately some people will have to be left behind otherwise they’ll drag you down with them. Thanks for sharing. I’m glad this article reaffirmed you’re on the right path!
Susan,
Amen right back at ya!
That’s a perfect scripture to illustrate my point. Thanks for referencing it! I love the idea of putting negative thoughts under submission because that’s exactly where they belong. Thanks for sharing that!!!
Yasmeen,
I totally agree with you!!!
With this house thing, I’m very careful to take everyone’s feedback with a grain of salt because I’m always mindful that many people have certain mindsets that affect what comes out their pie hole. I’m also aware that some people have a lot more experiences in this arena than I. So just like when I’m doing scam research, I mentally mix facts, opinions and motivation. I sift out what I know isn’t relevant or is just fear talk and I’m left with the information I need to maneuver this process. Because there is always value to gain even from negative people. But you just have to be able to pick that out which can be hard because negativity has such an awful stench and taste. lol
In terms of he coffee machine, I don’t drink coffee so that’s not really an issue. But I agree about keeping the boxes organized and labelled according to immediate use. We did that when I moved into the condo I’ currently in. I’ll also be making several trips way ahead of the mover to get smaller items i know we’ll need at the house. This way we’re not hunting for it.
Either way I appreciate the advice. It’s so good to hear from you. It’s been a while! Thanks.
Teena,
You’re quite welcome. Glad you enjoyed it. Well ironically the bank I’m using is a smaller bank and they’ve just requested exactly what you suggested which was more money. Fortunately I have it but it was really meant to do the home renovations. So that’s going to be delayed a bit now. The whole process is just annoying and painful. I’m throwing down a huge down payment more than most people do and I still can’t believe I’m jumping through hoops. But I’m glad these things happen because they actually motivate me to do better in life so that one day I can be own bank and tell these idiots to go to hell. Gotta dream big! lol Either way I appreciate the advice. We’re very close to the end of the process now. So it’s just a matter of being patient on my end. I’m a control freak and hate having such a big part of my destiny in someone’s hands.
This is the level of stress I felt working for the Man all those years. But I dealt with it until I was able to take control of the situation. This is just a similar situation. I’m just not accustomed to being in it in recent years. But I’ll be okay. No one is going to steal my joy. So thanks!
It’s clear to me you share the same mindset and coping mechanisms I do. I’ll definitely check out “Success is a Choice”. Thanks for the recommendation. I too make it a point to watch and listen to positive programming to combat the years of negativity that is engrained in us all. It’s a like a bad habit you fall into if you’re not actively trying to counteract it. On sundays I watch Joel Osteen. During the week CNBC has stories about successful business people and folks who have failed. I love hearing about how people made it from nothing and learning from their mistakes. I also make it a habit to watch “The Secret” which was a life changing piece of programing for me. So I do the same things you do when I’m feeling overwhelmed with negative bombardment. It helps put my mind at peace again. Otherwise you can fall right back to that cloud of negativity that most of us are in.
I’m really happy to hear that my work has helped you in the little way it has. Isn’t great to feel empowered and know that you do have control in a world that claims you don’t? I’m sure in time you’ll find the right path for you. But in the mean time it’s great to know that you realize you are rich in spirit. Because ultimately that’s what leads to actions that will further guide to worldly “comforts” which you and your family do deserve.
Thanks again for sharing your advice and thoughts. I really appreciate it.
Ah, the well-meaning-but-not-exactly-solicited-advice-based-on-fear that does not exactly help things. Sounds like it is time to go to others for advice. The straight shooters. The ones who have been there but will actually give you correct pros and cons to push you in the right direction. I find that people don’t really listen well. When they do they tend to give you the advice that you need, the advice you were seeking out whether or not you knew it.
Anything house related is so unbelievably stressful that what you need during this time is just support. Not the opposite. Some people are good at it. Some are not. They want you to learn from their mistakes. The problem is that their mistake may not be an issue for you. And they could be worrying you for nothing. Or, you are going to learn the hard way which is pretty much how life works and no one can protect you from that.
The only advice I am going to give you is to have all the components necessary for coffeemaking in one box. The mug in one box and the glass carafe in another box and the spoon is another is not going to help when you wake up in box heaven the first day. Oh and the same with linens. You need a whole clean set available to you with your comfy pillows in one box the first day.
amen brother! It reminds me of the story of Job, remember his 3 moron friends who thought he was guilty and kept telling him to repent. Their advise sounds good but it is all wrong because it doesn’t fit what Job is actually going through. And we must always challenge the negative thoughts and bring them under submission. I’m happy for your new adventure!
Thank you Eddy for this article. It couldn’t have been more timely. I have several negative nancys wanting to spew their hate at me from a job I left several months ago, because I couldn’t put up with their junk anymore. Junk is a nice word for what they did! I have been labeled as “just a receptionist” and beaten down for years on that last job. What is up with people? Bad behavior seems to be rampant. Any news they can get about me seems to be new fodder for their gossip. It’s hard knowing that there are some people out there who actually want me to fail. The best thing I ever did was get away from those people. Now I can concentrate on taking online classes and pursuing the skills that I graduated from college with and that I had buried for so long. Those negative people are really insecure, but it doesn’t hurt any less when you find out some of the rotten things they say. They’re like sharks circling in a tank ready to devour anyone who has any life in them or talent. It’s hard to pray for people like this. They are lost and it’s something I struggle with every day.
Eddy,
A psychiatrist I used to know explained these objections from family and friends this way: At any given time your circle of people is in equilibrium. When you make a shift, this disturbs the balance and makes people uncomfortable. They will object but it does not really have anything to do with you. It is merely an expression of their discomfort. The way to “shut off their mic” is to smile, say thank you for the advice and proceed with your plans. Another great piece of wisdom he gave me was “The only person over whom you have any control is yourself.” Therefore it is futile to try to control the actions of others, and I think this includes even conxidering their negative comments. Just keep on keepin’ on. You are obviously on the right path.
Another great article! I haven’t heard you say “shut your mic off” in awhile! Love it! You already know I can totally relate to this article. It’s really sad that it does come from those you love most. Shouldn’t they be happy for you instead of always thinking the worst? That whole mindset of “You need to prepare yourself for the worst so when it happens you were already expecting it” is such a sad mindset to have. My family is guilty of that kind of mindset and for awhile I too thought like that because that’s how I was raised to think but thankfully I realized (with the help of positive peeps ;-)) that it was the worst way to think. I thank God that I was able to break free from that mindset and now only expect the best! When those I love around me have the Debbie Down Syndrome, I always try my best to bring them back up. I try to help the haters I love with some positive energy but some times it is way to difficult. People must wonder how difficult can lifting some one you love really be, but trust me it is. They tend to suck the energy right out of you and you go home with the only headache! So now i keep it to a minimum. I’ll try to speak that positivity to those I feel will listen and for those that I know won’t, I just let them listen to themselves and pray for them!